I guess it's finally time to pick up the pieces, sort out the good ones and the bad ones and throw everything else. It's time I re-prioritize my life. Last last tuesday I thought was the closure. But even after so many words and tears, there were just so much more left unsaid. And it has been dragging me down for so long I just can't quite take it anymore.

Sometimes as much as you don't want to let go, or can't let go, you just have to. In my case, I'm holding on to the wrong person. Really. These past 2 weeks I've been telling myself that one day he'll come back to me, and that I'd wait no matter how long it takes. But then I realised that what I'm holding on to is as good as thin air, it's nothing.

The truth is I hate myself. All those nights and days that I cried, I just realised, was not for him. It was for me, for what I've done, for the guilt. I hate myself for going behind my friend's back. My one best friend. I'm the worst, really. And to expect her to understand me is just way too much to ask. Sometimes I still can't believe how selfish I've become, for this one person who's not even worth any of it.

I used to blame myself for what happened. But looking back, probably my one only mistake is that I believed him. I let him fool me. Or, I let myself fool me. The single mistake I made is one that I could not have avoided. It's my nature. I'm weak.

Listen to me, this post is for you. One day everything will make sense. We're drifting apart, but I know better now. I'm sorry for what I've done. You'll always be my babe.