there's not been much to talk about.

Saturday, October 28

The school year has ended. It would be nice to look back and review the events of this year, but given that my life doesn't just evolve around my school life, it would be quite futile to actually do so right now. The remaining two months of this year would, as I do hope, give the conclusion to this chapter of my life.

But I'm going to stop this crap right now because I'm so not typing like me.

I love spending time in coffee shops. Talking to the best people almost about anything.
I love talking about anything. Talking about anything makes me think and ponder.
I love to think and ponder. Thinking and pondering make me feel.
I love to feel. It makes me real. It makes me different from soulless material beings.
I love being able to feel happiness, sadness, anger, satisfaction. One after another.

I love.

Friday, October 27

"SEC4 sia "
"One year sia "

hahaha. nice. I like.

Wednesday, October 25

Sometimes I wish I'm prettier. Nah. Scratch that.

Sometimes I wish I'm pretty. There. Much better.

Seldom times, like now, I do wish I am. These past few days and occurences have got me thinking if things would have been much better if I look better. I often wonder if he would have screwed their friendship and fought for me if I'm not this little ugly duckling; if he would not have cared that he is going away; if he would not have cared that there is little time. I often wonder if he would have held onto me. Indeed, most of the times, I do believe that he would.

We often say that it's not about the superficial things, that it is about what is inside. But believe me, it is truly difficult to love someone who is not the least bit beautiful. Human beings. We are programmed to love someone that we are physically attracted to. That is nature. And mass and media have long since clouded our brains of what is beautiful.

True, it is possible for two very unlikely people to fall madly in love. But that. That is not the work of nature. You know how tsunamis and earthquakes are natural disasters? That's how it is as well. They occur very rarely. Very.

But then, thinking about these things just kind of brings me down. So then I want to shut up and screw it. Which is what I'm about to do, by the way.

Ohh. Today. I had a lot of shaky moments today. In retrospect, I couldn't actually believe I survived it.

There was that talking-to-him thing. Omg. That was worse than sitting for any exam! I was trembling and blabbering and I just didn't know what to do. I still couldn't believe I was that bold to actually come up to him to talk.

-.-" - Are you really not talking to me?

>.< - No comment. I'm drinking. duh

-.-" - Are you like angry with me or something?

>.< - I don't have balance so I couldn't reply your messages.

-.-" - So you're not mad at me?

>.< - Shakes head

-.-" - Alright, Thanks. (?!)

THANKS?! Omg. Where the hell did that come from? Oh. How pathetic is that?

And then there was that waiting-for-the-results thing. Oh. This is one topic I don't really want to talk about.

Anyway, yeah. I'm kind of feverish.

I just want to say:

Congrats Pita! You finally did it! I'm so proud of you!

And, Hailey, cheer up ya? We're here to back you up. Just think about prata! Haha.

cheers <3

Tuesday, October 24

Ooh this week is fast but oh-so-not-furious. Like, looking back... there's nothing to see, really. Anyway, technically speaking, this week is the last week of school year 2006. There's that intensive whatnot next week but, really, we're practically free!

Oh oh oh I'm like staring at the screen not knowing how to continue this post. But oh well. Bull Crap. I'm biting my nails again! After these months of resisting the urge.. ugh. Okay, I'm going to stop, biting my nails I mean. If I did it once, I can do it again.

And I just realised, I'm not really cut out as an everyday blogger. I ran out of things, see. Unless things remain as a rollercoaster ride, or unless I don't feel guilty for feeding you with crap about my life, I must bid you adieu.

Sunday, October 22

Death Note is a bitch. Genius genius genius.
Oh. I just wanted to blog though I'm not making any sense. Haha.
I called my friend. I thought I could tell him everything that's going on in my life right now. But somehow, I felt cheesy. Oh oh and I don't know if I should go to school tomorrow. I know my report book is so gonna be screwed. But whatever happens, my Dad's buying a drum set for me! WOOHOO! Oooh I wan't to sing Sexy Back, and I want the girls to be able to sing the 'Yeah' part with me! You don't know what I'm talking about, so screw. I have been experiencing PMS for a long time now. My granny said I'm like a bouncing cheque. Always delayed. Always not good.
Ohh. I don't think I'll go to school tomorrow. I'm feeling nauseous.

Anyway, L (no, not you Pita) is hardcore. L is bitch. I like.

Saturday, October 21

So Yesterday
I'm not regretting anything. I'm not wishing I could turn back time and do things the other way around. I'm not.

The thing is, I wanted to have a closure. I wanted to cry my heart out and just cry and cry as if nothing else exists in this world except my tears and my muffled voice. I wanted to do that and wake up the following day and start anew. But then, the weird part is, I just couldn't. And I didn't know why.

Now I do. Boys. They're just not worth it. I guess after all those previous frustrations concerning them, I did become numb. Really. And as sad as that sounds, I guess I could comfort myself with the fact that it also made me so ready to move on. Easily.

And what makes everything even better is that, this is the closure I needed. This realisation. Without the usual complement of blood-shot eyes or husky she-just-went-through-a-bad-night voice.

So yeah. That was so yesterday. I have had my fair share of sadness this year. It's high time once more!

I AM SO BACK!

Friday, October 20

When you start something, you just have to finish it.
Jai said, just because he's letting me go doesn't mean he doesn't want me to hold on.
He said, he doesn't want to hurt me any worse.
I say, screw it.

I'm going to hold on for as long as I can, for all I care.
I'm not giving him up.
I'm staying right where I am now.
I'm stronger than him, that's for sure.

When you have fallen, it's hard to get back up. And the sadder part is, you just don't really want to.

Tuesday, October 17

There is just one thing that I so want to say right now.

I wouldn't have this any other way.

And to Him,
Thank you so much. For everything.

Sunday, October 15

Are you afraid?
Are you afraid that you would stumble and fall and hurt yourself real bad? Or are you afraid that one day, everything would stop and you'll wake up realising that it's just a dream? Are you afraid that a time would come when you can no longer make him smile? Or make his day? Or pick him up when he's down?

Everything, without exception, that He gives us, He will take it away, one way or another. We can never really have it all. In life, we only get a free taste of the best things it offers. Everything will slip away, that's for sure. So every second, there are two things you need to do. One, feel the moment, live every minute of it. Two, prepare yourself for the time when that moment is taken away.

They say life is not about the number of breaths you take, but about the moments that take your breath away. But why not make life both? Maybe life should be the number of breaths you take that, in turn, also takes your breath away.

Loving from a distance can pain you in every way, in every direction, in every part. But sometimes, loving from a distance can bring you happiness that'll make you feel so complete. Indeed, love comes back to you. Maybe not from the same person, but it will. Just you wait.

It's ok if you can't love me.
Or even think of me.
I'm not asking you to.
It's really okay with me if you can't because...
what I told you is
'I love you'
not
'love me too...'

Saturday, October 14

I've always said that in life, it doesn't matter what decisions you make. What matters is how you stand up for them when everyone seems to be thinking that you made the wrong choice. It's also true that sometimes, we have to admit that we are wrong and then we have to turn our backs and undo the damages. But we should never regret. Because during that period when you made that choice, it was your heart that you followed. And during that moment, you chose what you most wanted. So why should you regret when you know from the start that you were just following your heart?

Do not, ever, betray yourselves.

Monday, October 9

Chemistry sucked. But I don't care.

Everyone, remember to bring tissue everyday. You'll never know what might happen! ;)

Oooh. And I can't wait for this week to end!

How many times must I blog about that?

Sunday, October 8

Life is random.

Ooooh. Am I so good at moving on and never looking back now! For real.
And I'm so positive now.
And I'm so happy.
And I really really want to go high after EOY. (If I'm not high enough right now, that is)
And I so wanna buy a drum set and form a band.
Oh! And Hailey will be having guitar lessons from me!
And Don is sooo out of the question, because his name is Gabriel and he has a girlfriend and he's so out of reach because now he's so real. Boo.
Oh yeah, everyday I would try to blog. Even just a sentence-long. Like, things I realised for the day.
Like, today:

There's no such thing as love at first sight.