Done upon Hailey's request.
And because I'm bored and I want to play soccer but my bro is playing mahjong. (or however the eff you spell it).

100 FACTS
1. Name: Dionne
2. Middle Name: rochelle. boo
3. Location: Bro's room. im sneaking in.
4. Place of Birth: Somewhere dark and hairy. I meant scary.
5. Blood Type: S? Yeah, I'm an S. (and so r u s-hole)
6. Male or Female: thank God I'm a female.
7. Bus: 147
8. Status: single. not looking but... waiting.
9. Occupation: part-time counsellor. nyahahaha. call me.
10. Initials: GTH...B. (go to hell...bitch)
11. Screen Name: Ennoidz. Ennoidy.

Your Appearance
12. Hair Color: Dark brown.
13. Hair Length: long. but short.
14. Expression: snob
15. Best Feature: my TOOTH.
16. Height : 5'3" go figure
17. Main Accessories: none
18. Glasses: are bad conductors of heat
19. Shoe size: 4. shocking aint it?
20. Weight: 46...sometimes 45. sometimes 47. sometimes 10. very unstable.

Your Firsts
21. First cry: im numb.
22. First best friend: Camille (the bitch... seriously.)
23. First Award: Most Aspiring Poet. woot.
24. First Sport You Joined: volleyball
25. First thing you did today: Thank God it's tuesday!
26: First thing you ate today: Sky Flakes Crackers
27. First thing you said today: I'm skipping school!
28. First Love: what love?!

Favorites
29. Movie: The Raplacements
30. TV Show: FRIENDS.
31. Color: Green! Yeah!
32. Rock Band: Uhhh...does Elvis count?
33. Place to get groceries: i don't do groceries
34. Food: Prata. Rojak. Seaweed.
35. Season: as if I have much to choose from asshole.
36. Candy: candy shop?
37. Sport: soccer! :D
38. Restaurant: Does McD count?
39. Number: 666
40. Subject: Mother tongue,
41. Guy: Too difficult to choose. sigh
42. Animal: Hailey :D
43. Book: Never let me go... i guess.
44. Magazine: Candymag.

Currently
45. Doing before you started this survey: called Hailey
46. Thinking: 7 more minutes to 10:00 and I'm only in no.46. geez
47. Wearing: $12 shirt from bugis. And $25 shorts (or pants) from Bugis. Again.
48. Crying about: I wanna play soccer!!
49. Eating: none. surprising, actually.
50. Drinking: none. Like duh.
51. Typing: I'm typing "I'm typing"
52. Loving: you is such an easy thing coz you're beautiful. (that's a song if you don't know, dumbo.)
53. Listening To: the CPU making weird machine sounds. Hope it explodes soon
54. Thinking about: it's hot in here
55. Wanting: for Friday to come
56. Watching: my fingers press the letters you just read

Future
57. Where do you see yourself in 5 years: In the arms of the one I love. Ahh chey ahh..
58. Kids: 3 boys...or more. 1 girl, probably.
59. Want to be Married: to the right person.
60. Career in Mind: something... fulfilling

Which is better with the Opposite Sex
61. Looks or Personality: personality. Both. Geez. I'm not one to choose anyway.
62. Smart or average: Smart.
63. Hair color: no anime-types please.
64. Hair length: doesnt matter...long as he doesnt look more feminine than I do.
65. Eye color: deep black. yeah
66. Measurements: Does size matter? (haha)
67. Cute or sexy: Cute is sexy anyway, so.. sexy. nyay.
68. Lips or Eyes: lips. mouth. teeth. tongue. gums. throat.
69. Hugs or Kisses: hugs.
70. Short or Tall: Tall. Short. Who cares
71. Easygoing or serious: easygoing. serious. not overboard.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Romantically spontaneous.
73. Good or Bad: Who's bad?
74. Sensitive or spontaneous: latter.
75. Hook-up or Relationship: either.
76. Cute or Handsome: either.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Trouble maker. I like. :]

Have You Ever
78. Kissed a Stranger: Have I not?
79. Had surgery: yeah...my boobs are fake
80. Gone commando: Yeah! Like, who hasn't?
81. Ran Away From Home: Duh! Isn't that the most normal thing?
82. Broken a bone: who even asks this kind of questions?! dumbo.
83. Broke the law: LITERALLY!
84. Been on a cruise: if you mean like a movie, then yeah.
85. Got a car accident: Who gets a car accident? Shamin' the english language!
86. Dumped someone: yeah. LITERALLY.
87. Cried When Someone Died: no.
88. Cried At School: yeah.

Do You Believe In
89. God: my faith is as strong as steel
90. Miracles: u mean like magic?
91. Love at First Sight: Gawd NO! Who believes in such irrational mind-bogging idiotic things?!
92. Ghosts: yeah........... hoooooo.
93: Aliens: I'm one.
94. Soul Mates: Soul mates your S.
95. Heaven: ooohhh heaven is a place on earth. We'll make heaven our place on earth.
96. Hell: to hell with this.
97. Answered prayers: yes.
98. Kissing on The First Date: is there anything unbelievable with that?
99. Horoscopes: no.

Answer Truthfully
100. Is there someone you wish you had? no.




Seeing him is like seeing someone I have not seen in years, like seeing someone I lost touch with. He is like someone I once knew all too well... but one who has changed a whole world lot, now that we finally get to see each other again. Like a perfect stranger.

Sometimes I really do feel that a great force is playing a trick on me, making me believe in all these quixotic feelings. It's like, what the hell, everything looks so goddamn perfect on the surface, but then everything turns upside down and you realise that all is just one big joke disguised to make you happy and hopeful, but is actually designed to embarass you in the end. And embarassed, you sure will be. Not just to those around you but to yourself, most especially perhaps.

But oh how I wish I could just cease typing and thinking and typing more and just close my eyes and scream right this moment. I want to be free, to be rid, of all these thoughts and emotions, even for one blessed minute.

On a bright note, I am not numb. It's true.


15th of September. Weird day.




Null. Empty.
Do you know how it feels? Like a lost soul wandering blindly in this world. Without any purpose. Without any reason. I am happy. Internally happy. Wonderful people surround me and I thank Him everyday for having them around. But still. I said I am happy. Not superficially. But also not completely. There is just always something missing. Like a taste in your food that you cannot exactly place; and it's just... not right. Like searching for something you might forget, but you don't exactly know what. I hate being numb. I hate searching, and not finding. I'm tired. I'm bored of going to bed every night, without looking forward to tomorrow.

I go with the flow. Not caring much whether I hit a large rock, or get caught in a fishnet that is released in my direction. I just let things happen. You don't know what getting hurt does to you. Indeed you heal in time, but the aftermath can be felt long after you're cured. You get scared. Easily. And you'll never be willing to risk again. For quite some time.

But I want to feel. I want to. I don't care if it'll hurt. Or if it'll leave me crying for nights, or months. I want to have someone, even for a short time, to be with. To make me feel real. Not virtual. Not mechanical. I know it's not easy to love someone who's flawed and not at all beautiful. But I also didn't say I want someone who likes easy things. I want someone. Someone who'll give me wings to soar, and is strong enough as wind, to keep me high.



(And I know one day I'll laugh at this. Oh so emotional.)




Sometimes I just really wonder if I'm a good or bad person.
What actually makes a good person? If you do bad things for a good reason, what does that make you? When you say good things to someone, for the reason of not hurting him or her, even though you really think badly of them, what does that make you? When you help everyone, every day of your life, not for the sake of helping them but just to show off that you are "good", does that really make you good? Who can actually judge us? Is there some kind of written law to this?

When I close my eyes to pray at night, I know I am a good person, because I know which things to be grateful of and which things to ask forgiveness for. Sometimes I even think I am the kindest person I know. But when I truly open my eyes, the "kindness" that I thought I have, has limitations. Like when I see an old man selling tissue packets for a dollar, and I only have $3 which is just enough for a cheese prata, I would hesitate to buy those tissues for a moment. But of course in the end, the selfless side of me would win... or at least I felt too embarassed to myself, if not to the people who were surrounding me, to not buy them. And this is what I'm talking about. I did a good thing there, but for a moment I was thinking "I should not have bought these stupid tissue packets, now I can't eat cheese prata!" But I still did a good thing, didn't I? So what does that make me?

My dad said I am a good daughter. I never answered him back, I never defied him. And I thought I was, too. But now that I came to think of it, this is only because there never was an occassion that I would have answered him back. He loves me too much to see my mistakes, and so he just looks straight past them. But I am no good daughter, not anymore, I ain't. An occassion has occured, and it did prove me otherwise. :(