Bleh. We're not even astrologically compatible.
Okay, I'm not really that faithful to astrology - in fact, I'm not at all - but sometimes, just sometimes, I'm fascinated and at the same time frustrated by how effing true they can get. And it only sucks more because the saying is furthermore proven, "truth hurts".
Ugh. This is just one of those days...




The day that I have been dreading for weeks, since the moment I found out it'll be, is at long last here. And the feeling welling up inside me could only be summarised in these words: That's it?

I mean, term 2 is progressing in such a blur that, although I've known it for a time, Mid-Year came as a total shock for me. It's like emerging from a series of euphoria and finally realising that it is here, virtually here, no more time to devour. Yet as I typed those words in, I couldn't help but feel that I have not done the best I could... and still am not doing so.

I need a closure.




I woke up each morning having no plans for the day. Not even a single one. I was as spontaneous as anyone could be. Everything was done randomly. And days seemed longer but all the same fulfilling.

That's how things were probably 2years ago.

Hah. How I wish that's how things still are.
But no. It couldn't be more of the opposite.

I lost my organiser. And all of a sudden, I'm such in a wreck I don't even know which things should go where or which work should be done first. Grrr. I always hated this.

See, even this post lacked coherence. Argh.




Days of being high can make you sick. Virtually speaking. As in sick. As in fever, colds, body ache, you name it. And that's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. Or to put in the proper words, suffering from.

If life ain't really playing games on you every now and then. Unbelievable. The moment that I finally decided to pull myself together and put every bit of effort I could just for my own effing sake, I got hit by all these physical pains that stop me from doing anything functional besides sleeping and typing. That sounds unsurprisingly ridiculous, but that's exactly what I just did and what I'm doing, respectively.

Right. I suppose part of this is due to the NAPFA test, but majority, I must say, are products of my week-long obsessive abuse of my body. And I'm talking of running down the track 7days a week, 7rounds a day. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But that's almost close. In fact, that is close.

I guess after all those comforting thoughts I tell myself almost every second, there is still a part of me that knows it's not yet over. Okay, none of you knows what I'm talking about here. So, change change. Nevermind that.

I'm still thankful though. Thankful that after all the shoutings and misunderstandings and furnitures breaking, there is always one place that I feel so secure in. Now this will sound very strange but I couldn't care less. School. Yes, school.

Oh shit. What am I talking about?!




I've been high for days. I swear.
Ok, so maybe I'm always high, but these past few days are truly quite metionable. It's weird, really. The fact that mid-year is in 9days time yet I haven't revised for any subject and the fact that I haven't completely cracked under pressure yet. Ok, so maybe I do think about it and do feel worried sometimes, but I don't know... All I know is that, something - something inside me, maybe my subconscious or whatever, that I couldn't quite explain - had made me, out of sudden, not to care at all. Well, make that not to care at all. Because I still do care about it, maybe not as much as before, but I still do.

But that's not what I wanted to say.
What I was saying was: I've been high for days. And it's not surprising because if you were me, you'd definitely have a reason behind it. And every thing that has reason is valid. And any valid thing is justified. And so, being high is.

I know that doesn't make any sense.
BUT WHAT THE HELL?!




Today was fun!
Maybe it was because of the Latino-or-Italiano-or-just-Starbucks guy.
Maybe it was because of the guy with a smily face, who also made me smile from ear to ear.
Maybe it was because of both. Or more of the latter. :)

I'm tired.




PEOPLE

Yikes! I'm feeling random again! So yeah, here are some people and whatnot.

Yours Truly here I am. I just ate lunch. Actually, I just got home. I went to Orchard hoping to upgrade my phone. Sadly, the model that I so want is out of stock. REALLY. Life is just so good sometimes. And then I went to Bishan Popular on my way home hoping, again, to get hold of this book A Time Traveller's Wife. And if it do make a difference, they are not out of stock. They haven't stocked the book at all. And I really want the book and if I am not in a cost-cutting budget, I would have gone straight back to Orchard, all the way to Kinokuniya, to purchase the book. And I know it's such a small amount to cut anyway, but I'm really nearing bankruptcy.

Hailey my best friend for a year now. And how I wish for all the years that will come. But everyday, we're just sort of drifting apart. Not because of anything emotional but merely because of hectic schedules and new cliques and all other things. I miss her!

Robin my brother. We fought yesterday. We are in a don't-talk-to-me-yet-coz-i-still-hate-you--talk-to-me-a-few-days-later status. This always happen. I guess it's totally normal. I mean, it really is each brother's or sister's job to hate and piss the other off. Or is it just us?

Ryan some guy. I really don't have anything to say about him.

Pita the girl. LOL. We're not yet that close, but thisclose. The only bonding we had is during that Sentosa thing, a few shopping at Far East, and every morning in the bus and at the Parade Square when we make fun of people. And yeah IT club, too. And this is the girl who really want to go suntanning. She's serious. Literally. Bikini, mat and all that.

Ta and Jai the twins. Two of the best people I know, or I ever will. Spent good one year with them. Oh gosh, all those memories. Especially the ones in Thailand. Truly unforgettable. Two of the few people I run to when I need an ear patient enough for all my rantings. It's a sad thing they're in Australia now, but yeah... we do keep in touch.

Benedict it was an interesting story how I met this guy. Well, not really, as it was some scrabble thing - very nerdy, if you ask me. But that's not the point. The point is, it is really (really is an understatement here) nice ( ...and so is nice) having him for a friend. This is the guy who can make someone smile. Like REALLY smile inspite of any shitty saddening things.

Nadiah the girl I first met during that Sec2 camp. The girl I thought normal. LMAO. Nah, I'm messing. She's a nice girl, inside and out. A funny one. A bit too vain though, if you ask me. It's nice having her around.

Bill the f@*king guy. Haha. This is the guy who influenced me to greet people using this phrase: "Hey ass..." And this is also the guy who, every time - without fail - before class tests or any exams, will say to me (and I quote) "Ey dionne, this time you beat me you die lah" To which I will reply "You think I'm scared?!"

Yours Truly again. It took me approximately 6hours and exactly 3editings to finish this post. You see, Hailey asked me to accompany her to Bugis halfway through this post. And although I saved it as a draft first, ready to be edited anytime, the moment is just not there anymore. You know? I mean, when I started typing this post, I know exactly who are going to be in the list, why they are in the list, and how I'm going to finish the thing off. But now... nil. nonsense. Even Bill is there. I mean, who is he anyway?

Right. This is an ultimately long and wasted post. Ugh.




One month ago is sooo... one month ago. So last tuesday.

I can so clearly remember, as crystal clear as nothing else, the events in my average life exactly 31days ago. God knows, nothing special happened at all. I do remember coming in late for that AMaths lesson; and feeling really pissed off because of this bus driver who drove so friggin' slow that caused me to be late. That, I can remember. Oh yeah, I went home with Fatin that day, we took 147. We were talking about "gradient" - no, not physics nor maths here - when she realised that the following day will be the scrabble prelims. I couldn't even care less. For all I know, I don't have the slightest interest to attend the damned thing at all.

One month ago. Life was definitely much simpler.
One month ago. There was nothing special in my life. Or no one.

Things happen so fast. Things happen faster than one can say 'stop'. Things happen in a blink of an eye that there is way no chance for someone to hold them and grab them for all they are worth. Things happen so fast. Before you know it, everything is over.

One month ago. Life was definitely much simpler.




Screw the hitherto post.
Sometimes I really wonder what has become of my feminist ideals. Really. Well, at least now I'm back to my old self. Hah. Thankyouverymuch




>.< : if you wanna court him, court him lah!
~.~ : Court him? A girl ain't supposed to court a guy...
>.< : C'mon. It's 2006 already...

-------------------------------------------------------------

>.< : Guys don't really like smart-ass, makes us feel stupid
~.~ : Yeah, but he's not stupid




I thought I would enjoy the rain. Heck, I know I always did. Gone were the days of drifting with time. Gone were the days of careless humming and sweet candies. And today finally came another chance to indulge these childhood desires.

Or NOT.
When you are on your way home from a restless day at school longing for the moment when you can finally take off your shoes and lie down for as long as you want, being met by the rain is so not a good thing. Let alone a storm.

And the "days of drifting with time" are not relived because firstly, you cannot take your time when you realise the amount of work that needs to be done once you get home; and secondly, it's so freaking cold and things that are not supposed to be seen are getting exposed (if you know what I mean).

Nor are "days of careless humming". Make that "days of careless stepping into something soft-brown-and-slimy". Eww.





I want a guitar!
I need one. I really do.

It seems like with all the things dominating my life right now, singing along in top-voice to my blaring iPod just won't satisfy me anymore. I need an outlet.

And yeah, that outlet must not be more than hundred bucks. LOL


_______________________________

updated: 01 Apr 2006 06:06pm
location: Hailey's crib

Ok. So I'm at Hailey's place. She's having tuition right now with Emily. We met up at McDonalds around 3:20 this afternoon and she had to go back home at around 4:30. I, thinking that I was out for only about an hour, decided to stay in her place although I did realise that I'll be such a nuisance since she couldn't possibly focus on her tuition whilst I'm here. But then again, I ain't a visitor anymore and she need not worry about my being comfortable at her house since I had always made myself comfortable anyway.

We're going out again later. I wanted to go Clark Quay but this girl just wouldn't give in. I think she's worried that I'll insist on riding GMax again. And yeah, maybe I will. I'm so damn bored, she gave me this Korean DVD that I could watch to wee the hours away, but I couldn't understand the movie even with subtitles on because of this background Korean commentary that I so cannot decipher the slightest meaning, so I'm like "what are you saying?!". And so far I haven't done any idiotic thing but if she and Emily don't finish their private tuition in less than 15mins, I think I will give up.

Oh yeah, I had bought a guitar! It was S$179! Hah. And I bought along its shitty bag which was S$22. Bleah. S$201 in total. But no worries. S$101 came from my dad. No way am I going to use half of my monthly allowance when the month is just starting.

The almost-one-hour Hailey and I spent at McDonalds was such a joke. And I mean that quite literally. Talk about PRANK CALLING people. Haha. That was fun.