I just have to blog. Because like all those other times, I just can't focus right now. There's this huge huge thing blocking my chest, making me sick to my stomach and rendering me incapable of doing what I am supposed to do. Usually, when this happens, I would pick up a paper and a pen and make a list of the likely factors that may be causing this huge huge thing. But I don't need to do that now, because I know what it is that's putting me on the edge of breaking down. Yes, I do. And it's all the more depressing because man, I am not in control.




I just guessed it's about time for an update. Well, the first week of term2 has gone by. I have neither had enough hours of sleep nor adequate intake of water. And yes, I am again thisclose to physical break down. But that, my friend, wouldn't happen. I wouldn't want to miss school any more. Not exactly because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to cope, but more because I'm enjoying school so much I actually look forward to it. That's just as well because this is our final year, anyway.

These past few days I find that I'm becoming higher and more stoned than ever. That's probably my body's mechanism to keep awake during class. Yes, to act like a real (no offfense intended) retard.

Anyway, I'm off to Harbor Front later. Free pizza! Yay!




Ohh I so love us!




Everything just seems so small. Like being trapped in a little shoe box. Wherever I go, it's all just the same. Dark and suffocating. Am I not the most selfish person I know, I ask myself. Yes I am. You know what I do? I stop other people from being happy. And worse, I don't do it directly. I do it in my uncanny ways such that the person would think it's his/her fault; and I am completely aware of my foolproof manipulation. My classmate said I'm a devil in disguise. No, I said. I'm just a devil. Am I not the worst person I know, I ask myself. Yes I am. I'll tell you what I think. That I'm better than anyone, everyone. That I'm just too damned good for anybody. Yes, true. I'm a horrid person. Even I disgust myself. If you see me walking around, don't approach me. I will just ruin your life.

I love you though.




Let me tell you something.
I'm ready.
I am.




Don't take anything for granted. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't ever think that you can do whatever shit to someone without he or she noticing it. Nobody's a fool. Even the person who kneels before the chair you sit on can have enough of it if you treat them as a trash.

Say sorry. For the major things. To the people who deserve it. Say sorry if you say something bad behind someone's back. Say sorry if you lose something that is not yours; or, if you take, for that matter.

Say sorry. For the minor things. For making someone wait for an hour. For losing your temper to someone who did not do anything. For making somebody feel like a total crap.

Say sorry, for they may understand. They may try and understand. But being treated as someone who doesn't deserve even the simplest 'sorry' can be, in the long run, be very tiresome. And most people doesn't like getting tired.