Sometimes I just really wonder if I'm a good or bad person.
What actually makes a good person? If you do bad things for a good reason, what does that make you? When you say good things to someone, for the reason of not hurting him or her, even though you really think badly of them, what does that make you? When you help everyone, every day of your life, not for the sake of helping them but just to show off that you are "good", does that really make you good? Who can actually judge us? Is there some kind of written law to this?

When I close my eyes to pray at night, I know I am a good person, because I know which things to be grateful of and which things to ask forgiveness for. Sometimes I even think I am the kindest person I know. But when I truly open my eyes, the "kindness" that I thought I have, has limitations. Like when I see an old man selling tissue packets for a dollar, and I only have $3 which is just enough for a cheese prata, I would hesitate to buy those tissues for a moment. But of course in the end, the selfless side of me would win... or at least I felt too embarassed to myself, if not to the people who were surrounding me, to not buy them. And this is what I'm talking about. I did a good thing there, but for a moment I was thinking "I should not have bought these stupid tissue packets, now I can't eat cheese prata!" But I still did a good thing, didn't I? So what does that make me?

My dad said I am a good daughter. I never answered him back, I never defied him. And I thought I was, too. But now that I came to think of it, this is only because there never was an occassion that I would have answered him back. He loves me too much to see my mistakes, and so he just looks straight past them. But I am no good daughter, not anymore, I ain't. An occassion has occured, and it did prove me otherwise. :(