Seeing him is like seeing someone I have not seen in years, like seeing someone I lost touch with. He is like someone I once knew all too well... but one who has changed a whole world lot, now that we finally get to see each other again. Like a perfect stranger.

Sometimes I really do feel that a great force is playing a trick on me, making me believe in all these quixotic feelings. It's like, what the hell, everything looks so goddamn perfect on the surface, but then everything turns upside down and you realise that all is just one big joke disguised to make you happy and hopeful, but is actually designed to embarass you in the end. And embarassed, you sure will be. Not just to those around you but to yourself, most especially perhaps.

But oh how I wish I could just cease typing and thinking and typing more and just close my eyes and scream right this moment. I want to be free, to be rid, of all these thoughts and emotions, even for one blessed minute.

On a bright note, I am not numb. It's true.


15th of September. Weird day.