Null. Empty.
Do you know how it feels? Like a lost soul wandering blindly in this world. Without any purpose. Without any reason. I am happy. Internally happy. Wonderful people surround me and I thank Him everyday for having them around. But still. I said I am happy. Not superficially. But also not completely. There is just always something missing. Like a taste in your food that you cannot exactly place; and it's just... not right. Like searching for something you might forget, but you don't exactly know what. I hate being numb. I hate searching, and not finding. I'm tired. I'm bored of going to bed every night, without looking forward to tomorrow.

I go with the flow. Not caring much whether I hit a large rock, or get caught in a fishnet that is released in my direction. I just let things happen. You don't know what getting hurt does to you. Indeed you heal in time, but the aftermath can be felt long after you're cured. You get scared. Easily. And you'll never be willing to risk again. For quite some time.

But I want to feel. I want to. I don't care if it'll hurt. Or if it'll leave me crying for nights, or months. I want to have someone, even for a short time, to be with. To make me feel real. Not virtual. Not mechanical. I know it's not easy to love someone who's flawed and not at all beautiful. But I also didn't say I want someone who likes easy things. I want someone. Someone who'll give me wings to soar, and is strong enough as wind, to keep me high.



(And I know one day I'll laugh at this. Oh so emotional.)