Sometimes I just really wish I never left the life I had before. The one before the the hitherto's previous one. Confused?
No one has ever left me. Every soul who walked into my life never stepped out of it, as long as it stayed. I was the one who always ran away.
But it's not like I really wanted those to happen. It's not like I had control over those situations. I just really had to go. But what does it matter? To the people I left, I was putting them aside. To them, I never cared. To them, moving away was always as easy as breathing.
I guess it's my fault, too, the way they took it. I was always so nonchalant about it, my feelings being so remote from everyone surrounding me.
Today, I woke up and found myself wandering about the corridors of my old school, probably in the year 1999. There were many brief memories. Some blurred and all-mixed up with each other; some are as crystal clear; mostly filled with childhood innocence that to me, here and now, is so poignant I can almost cry.
What if I never went away?
Silly question, I know. Because for all the things that took place, a hundred thousand more did not. And if I were to ask what could have happened, there are a hundred thousand possibilities.
And who knows, really? More than half of us alive wish that we could turn back time; wish that we could relive the days differently; let go of the things left unsaid; take back everything that led to events less-appreciated.
Funny thing, fate is. It's not like things would be better. For all we know, this could be the best there ever is.
One night in January 2002, I can't remember the exact date, I had a terrible longing to talk to this friend I have not seen in a year. I called everyone I know, just to get in touch with this person again. It was a trivial thing. I just really wanted to know how he was doing, for we used to be so much close back in elementary years. Trivial thing, it really was. Ironically enough, it is definitely because of that trivial thing that made me type all these words.
Unencumbered words.
Things do happen for a reason.